Change

I’ve written about change so many times, it’s hard to count. However, since this program keeps track for me, the number is eleven.

Another big change has made its way through our home, and although SS and I are not thrilled about it, I can tell you that the feeling of wanting to kill myself every morning, has gone away. I finally sleep peacefully at night. And that in itself, makes me happy.

When I decided to go back to school, it was because I was in a job I no longer enjoyed and wanted something different out of life. I set out in search of something that made me happy. Something that would make me feel like I’d finally made it in life. I went back to work knowing that it would be temporary and I’d be able to leave on my terms. Then school closed and I suddenly felt like my option to leave was gone. The feelings I was having, were not what I wanted from my future. The crying, the anxiety, the overwhelming feeling of not being good enough for them, just got to be too much, so I walked away.

With the exception of money trouble now that I don’t have a job, I’m so much happier and don’t regret walking away. I’m sure my bosses were not happy with me, and probably would like to yell and say a few words to me, but they too will move on, and we will all be better people for it.

The struggle to find a new job will be stressful, I have no doubt, but I will make it through this, just as I have made it through other things.

Change. It’s just part of life.