The Sad Truth

Disappointment often turns to frustration.
Frustration often turns to resentment.
Resentment turns to anger.
Anger to rage.
Rage to indifference.
And once I am indifferent, I will have forgotten you were ever one of my favorites.

Meet Leonidas

When I was growing up, we had an orange cat we called Scottie. I don't remember much about him, but I do remember when he passed away. I was at a very impressionable age, and it was very heartbreaking for me. 

As I grew older, I would think of him often. I had other cats and dogs growing up, but none that left such a strange impact on my mind. Perhaps this is where my obsession for orange cats came from.

When SS and I decided we wanted to get another cat, and friend for Ebony, I originally started looking at orange cats. When I wasn't finding what I wanted, I widened my search. Then Graycie came across my screen. That was love at first sight, even though she wasn't orange.

Over the next four years, I hadn't given up my desire to get an orange cat. SS didn't really want to even entertain the idea of a third cat, so I dropped it. Until two weeks ago.

One of the animal trainers that I used to work with, found a family of kittens in a bush behind her house. She took them in and posted a couple photos and videos of them. 

I. Fell. In. Love.

Meet Leo.... He's not exactly orange, but he's close. 

Leonidas means "son of a lion", and this brave little boy has the heart of a lion in a cat's body. It's perfect for him.

We have had him for only a few days, and things have definitely changed around our house. We have him separated from the others because I know they'll pick on him, and I just want him to be a happy boy, not stressed about anything. 

I'll keep you updated on his progress as he grows. 

The Strawberry Attempt

Strawberries are one of my favorite fruits foods. I can eat them in mass quantities, if the time is right. Since I do not buy fruit at the grocery store, I spend a little more money to buy them directly from the farmer at our local farmers market. In order to save a little money (for a future large purchase I will share about another day), I decided I would try to grow strawberries myself. 

There's a guy I follow on social media that loves to share videos about how to grow fruits and veggies, so I thought I'd give his method a try. It's been about three weeks, and I have finally seen a little growth. 

Once it has actually started to grow bigger roots, I will replant it and move it to an outdoor pot. 

I'm going to have strawberries. For free! Yay!

Thinking about The Ex

In July of 2022, I received a middle of the night text that I never really thought I'd get. When I say to you that I never saw it coming, that would be an understatement.

The morning of July 4th, RJ texted saying something was wrong with his dad and he was taken away in an ambulance. He was freaking out and didn't know what to do. 

After staring at that text for a minute, I didn't really know how to respond. I couldn't help him from three states away, but I could offer words of encouragement and positivity. Then told him to keep me updated as I was going back to sleep. 

The next 12-14 hours were so hard. As updates started to come from the doctors, it was clear that he wasn't going to be walking out of the hospital. And that was a devastating blow to RJ.

On July 6th, at 8:09am, I was notified that The Ex had passed. 

After years and years of fighting, arguing, disagreeing on almost everything, I found myself feeling something I hadn't felt in so long. I was hurting, and I wasn't even married to him anymore. 

I hurt for my son. I hurt because I knew the pain was just beginning. I tried to be so strong for RJ, and after a few conversations with Sis, we decided we were going to drive out to see RJ during this time. 

It was a quick trip. She flew down to LA to meet me, and then we rented a car and drove to Texas. We only stayed for a couple days, but I just needed to hug RJ in person. Virtual hugs and kisses just weren't going to do it this time. He was in too much pain.

Tomorrow would have been his 53rd birthday. 

Miss you.

47 Days

For 47 days, I had painful stents inside my ureters. I couldn't cough without it hurting. I couldn't sneeze without it hurting. At times, I couldn't stand up straight because of the positioning of them. It was a true testament to my mental health, and I'm here to tell you, I broke. 

One Saturday morning, SS and I were headed out to the Farmers Market. As I got up from the couch and walked to grab my keys, I coughed. This cough literally brought me to my knees. At that time, the stents had been in for 37 days, and one can assume that scar tissue was already starting to form over them. This means that when moved, that tissue tears/rips, and it doesn't feel good. I struggled to walk around that entire morning, and ended up cutting my day short to just go home. Also at this time, I still had not taken any sort of pain reliever, that really helped. And the sound vibrations weren't helping anymore. 

A week later, I just couldn't handle the pain anymore. I was so tired of crying in the shower and wondering if things would ever go back to normal. I was feeling traumatized by this whole situation, that I finally called the Urologists office, in tears, and begged them to do something for me. He brought me into the office to talk to me, calm me down. He was 100% convinced that the pain was in my head and my anxiety was making it worse. He gave me a prescription for Valium, and sent me home. The Valium calmed me down a bit, but it never helped with the pain, of course, because it wasn't just in my head. The next day, he agreed to schedule me for a stent removal, but if I wanted the pain to stop asap, we needed to do it in office, instead of in the hospital with anesthesia. 

The last time this procedure was tried, I had a panic attack and the procedure failed. I couldn't allow that to happen again. I needed these damn things out, and even though I was so scared and certain it would fail again, I told him yes. 

My appointment was scheduled for 3pm, so I had to deal with the anxiety of it all, all morning at work. Because I was going to be on some heavy sedation medication (that honestly everyone I spoke to said not to mix), I needed to have a driver. Somehow I was able to convince SS to go with me, against his will. 

To be honest, this procedure should be more than anyone should handle, but when SS told me he was going to be really angry he took off work and this didn't end up happening, I knew I had to do everything I could. Between the medications I had taken, and the extreme amount of Lidocaine they used, I was able to get through the procedure. SS was proud of me, and even the doctor told me that. Whew!

I walked out of that office with zero pain. None. They were both out and I was pain free. 
Best. Feeling. Ever.