Goodbye

Goodbye.
My dictionary defines it as a word used to express good wishes when parting or at the end of a conversation. But me, I define it as an end. An end to something that meant something so important to you, regardless whether positive or negative wishes are meant.

The word goodbye is something I say when I know I’ll never see someone again. An aunt that’s passed, a friend that moved away, a jail cellmate I once had, are all examples of times I’ve said that word out loud. Any other time, I just say bye. It’s a completely different form of the word (a secondary word, if you will), so it’s different. At least it is to me, and I’ve always been very careful about how I use it. I suppose if you think back hard enough, you’ll notice I’ve never said goodbye to you if we still currently talk. ;-)

Saturday, I went to the funeral service for boss#1’s youngest child. “A 22-year-old Rock Star, Pain in the Ass, and Badass”, his sister quotes. A few weeks ago, heroin took his life, and left the people around him with so many questions. I cannot even pretend to imagine what they are feeling, and I do not want to. They are in a deep cauldron of boiling pain, that only their own beliefs and strength can pull them from. It was a sad moment I hope to never live through, and I’m grateful I was able to express my sympathies to both of his parents and his siblings.

I wish their family the best in these hard times, and hope they pull themselves out of their sadness and disbelief.

After it was over, I said my verbal goodbyes to people I know I’ll never see again. And a few I hope I never do. It was bittersweet, but oh so desperately needed. I’m not angry. I’m not even upset. It’s more of a sign of relief. I don’t have to pretend anything anymore. And I don’t have to be nice to people that are otherwise, just a pain in the ass.

Peace out!