Dancing With the Stars - Review - Week 1

I said I wasn’t going to watch this season, but I just couldn’t help it. After giving my opinions on this season’s cast, I couldn’t stop there. I had to start and end the season with all the commentary I could come up with. So, in comes the peanut gallery.

This will be the first time I’ve watched this show all the way through the season. Okay, I’ll be honest. I’m going to TRY to make it all the way through the season. Reality TV isn’t something I enjoy, but I figured I’d give it the ol’ college try.

First up, Audrina Patridge. She did much better than I expected, but can I be honest for a second? In her pre dance interview, the outfit she had on made her titties look sooooo gross! This had me so preoccupied during her performance, that I had to rewind it because I just couldn’t concentrate. She moves beautifully, and I actually look forward to seeing what she’ll do next.

Kurt Warner. Hmm. I have mixed feelings about this one. A handsome man, no doubt, but it kind of reminded me of a man out on the dance floor dancing at his wedding. I saw a bit of swiftness, but there was a gracefulness that was not there. Exactly what I expected from a football player.

Kyle Massey. A complete goofball, but the kid can move. He’s got great hip action, but I very much dislike his conceitedness. I think he’ll do well if he keeps up this kind of energy.

Next we saw Rick Fox. He did just fine. I saw no problem with the height difference, and he was much more graceful than I expected. As a former high school basketball player, I know first hand that when it comes to fouling your opponent, ballet dance moves are common. Watching Michael Jordan or Larry Bird out on the court was like watching swans move, at times. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that Rick did so well.

Margaret Cho. Ugh. I very much dislike her, and her performance made me dislike her even more. Funny? That was supposed to be funny? Well, it didn’t work for me. I hope she gets voted off.

Brandy. Eh. I wasn’t overly impressed, but I wasn’t disappointed. She did exactly how I thought she would. She’s fine. No need to say more.

Bristol Palin. I’m not supposed to say anything if it’s not nice, so I’ll just say she did better than I thought. With stiff legs and a case of the butterflies, I hope she gets over her stage freight. Now Mark…that’s a different story. I ♥ him!!

Florence Henderson. At her age, she moved better than I expected. She definitely brought out the Carol Brady in her. I hope I can still move like that at 76. I’ll have a very happy man, if I can.

Michael Bolton. All he did was scoot around the dance floor. Carrie Ann said she thought Chelsea did more of the leading, and I TOTALLY AGREE. I was thinking that the whole time I was watching them dance. He’ll be gone soon.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino. Ewww. I will forever hate him. I hate everything about him. She couldn’t have made the dance more simple for him, yet I still think he sucked, and I’m so glad the judges saw him exactly the same way. I hope he gets voted off very quickly.

Jennifer Grey. One of my top picks for winning this show, and she did NOT disappoint. Beautifully done. Patrick would be so proud.

And finally, David Hasselhoff. Was he even sober during the rehearsals? The leather jacket limited his mobility, but when he took it off, I got the impression he was trying to be Johnny Castle (Patrick Swayze). Clearly, he isn’t. Go. Back. To. Germany. While he was listening to Carrie Ann giver her opinion, he looked like a creepy man looking at a young teenage girl. He’s just creepy.

Please remember that these are my opinions. If you don’t agree with them, don’t leave me nasty comments. I’m always up for a good debate, but no need to be nasty. Let the voting begin.

The peanut gallery has now left the building.